He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
