oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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