i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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