Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
