half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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