i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
