i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
