I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
