Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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