He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
