I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
