First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
