I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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