DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
