Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
