I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
