Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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