the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
