this boner is exhausting
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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