Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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