My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
