Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
