he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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