in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is my gift to your gina
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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