marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
