Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize