He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
