If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
