Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
