Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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