um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
