listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
