Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
