I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
