I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
