Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
