i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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