She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
