the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
