I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
