I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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