how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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