You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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