So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
