I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
