I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It's rum buckets o'clock
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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