we're blogging at a bar
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
