I love black thongs
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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