she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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