Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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