TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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