Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
