Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
