We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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