I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
