don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
