small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
