I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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