Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize