I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
