Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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