My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
