Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
