my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
